I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive home. I’ve fallen into depressions on and off since I was 19. Every time it happens, first no one seems to notice I’m acting differently. Then as I get deeper into despair, I have trouble working and believing in myself. It usually ends with me messing a job up or getting too much panic. I’ve graduated college with an MFA and I have been productive in the past but every time I get depressed people around me start to accuse me of being lazy. Eventually this blows up to me being kicked out of my parents house. I would sleep in my car then sneak in to shower or eat. I’m older now and out of the home. I live with a lovely woman who tries to understand but what happens if I get into another depressive episode and I have trouble working? It’s very real that I could end up without a place to live or the ability to work. I’ve saved up some emergency money but Its been hard to never use it during the pandemic. I suppose I could buy an old van or trailer with what I’ve got in the bank. My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was a good student, had friends, and came from a middle class family. I worked really hard and followed everyone’s advice.